Psalm

O’ YHWH, God of my salvation,
let my prayer come before You;
hear my voice as I shout to the sky
my skepticism and
over-analysis
weighs heavy on my heart;
it draws me to the brink of madness

will You prove yourself to me?
(again)
can you restore my “faith?”
i am a man who has lost all desire,
like an old tree amidst a drought
i am dried up
i suffer the burden of unbelief
i am overwhelmed by the results
of my fear

will You explain myself to me?
is understanding found in Your Word?
is this agony part of the process of restoration?
regardless, i will uphold your Torah
Your righteous instructions
are my pillar
everything else gets carried away by the wind,
but Your Torah stands firm like a rock

my bones ache with anxiety at every unanswerable objection,
but i will praise your name, O’ YHWH
have mercy on me
i am your servant, even unto
insanity

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